dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
