It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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