Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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