Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
