I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
