sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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