i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
