I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize