Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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