after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
