the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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