its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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