elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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