I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
