"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
