yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
