just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
