This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
