All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
