I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
