Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
