Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
