YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
