turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
