i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
