but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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