I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize