Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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