His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
