I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
