Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
