You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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