it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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