I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
