my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We are two peas in an std pod
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
