Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
