i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
