hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
