if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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