So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
