so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
