I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize