Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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