so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
