and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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