Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
