Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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