After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
