Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
