So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
