Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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