I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
