Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
