Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
