Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
