didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
