Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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