My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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