Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
