sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
this boner is exhausting
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
