Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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