Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
