Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize