Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
