They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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