Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
