You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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