if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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