please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
