Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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