So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
