is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
