Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
