It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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