I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
