And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
