I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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