Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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